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granny panties

During my 20s I preferred to die a slow and tortured fashion death than wear bikini underwear or anything like it. It was akin to a guy wearing socks with sandals to the beach. There are things you must simply never, ever do.

Today I sing a different tune. I prefer to die of natural causes than to die for fashion. To hell with bikini lines – unless I am wearing a form-fitting outfit, even I realize that is a major faux pas. I’m not that old yet. Suffice to say that over the years my underwear drawer has experienced some changes. I admit it. 

It’s not that I care less about my appearance; I’d actually say these things matter more today than back then. I find the allure of comfort more inviting than how my derrière appears in a pair of jeans. There is a certain satisfaction with being able to bend down and not worry that my low-waisted jeans (because I don’t wear mommy jeans just yet, thank you very much!) expose a thong or a g-string. Maneuvering those tight situations was always annoying and I never managed it gracefully.

So here we are, years later, wondering what I was thinking back in the day, when I swore I’d never wear anything but a thong. Well, it took less than 10 years to break that promise. Today I wear regular bikini underwear and they’ve worked out just fine.  As a matter of fact, my daughter considers these too small and regularly points out my underwear don’t fit quite right. Perhaps that’s a polite reference to my enlarged bottom; or, she believes adult underwear to be too small, period. Either way, she’s also seen my thongs and correctly commented those underwear looked uncomfortable and “broken.”

She’s right. Who in their right mind wears these on a daily basis – except younger women who’ve yet discovered the comfort found in a good pair of Hanes (some of you know what I am talking about), or regular bottoms from the likes of Calvin Klein or Victoria’s Secret.

I recently conducted an informal survey and discovered most women who have children and are over 35 prefer to wear full bottoms over thongs. I’m not alone. I’m part of an underground, undeclared super majority. There are some notable exceptions, of course – and we consider you hussies, no offense.

Of this I am certain: Soon enough you will come around to the granny side. It is inevitable.

March 16, 2010